travel blog, minus the bull$hit

In this little thing we like to call life, I believe in a thread woven with the delicate fibers of possibility– the ‘maybe’. It’s the silent question mark that hangs over our decisions, causing anxiety imagining tales of alternate paths and potential futures (shoutout to the multiverse– I love me some Loki!). Many people, myself included, consider pondering the ‘what ifs’ of our present choices and contemplating the divergent roads we could have taken as a heavy burden to bear. But what about the ‘maybe’s of our past? What if we had chosen differently back then?

Lately, usually when I’m trying to fall asleep, I find myself overcome by the thoughts of my own journey. I’m struck by the insane impact of these ‘maybe’s from my past. There are moments when I’m engulfed by the hauntings of my past decisions, marveling at the intricate setting they’ve created in my present-day life. Every twist and turn, every choice made and opportunity seized, has sculpted the contours of my existence in ways I could never have dreamed of.

I consider it to be a humbling realization that I am grateful for every past decision, good or bad, that I have made because each one has led me to this moment of my life– a moment brimming with experiences, lessons, and growth: If I never woke up at 2AM to pee in the freezing cold of Twin Lakes on a backpacking trip, I would never be able to look back and say I saw the most beautiful night sky in my entire life for all of 30 seconds while I was poppin’ a squat over dirt near my tent. If I never planned a solo trip to Taiwan, I never would have experienced the love I was able to find in a stranger. If I never got my heart broken, I never would have taken that one heartbreak trip to Oahu that resulted in me forming a new family of amazing friends that have helped me heal and continue to grow as a person. If I never answered my brother’s call when he checked in on me driving in the rain on my own as an early driver, I never would have forced myself to get my shit together as a driver so my family would worry less. If I never experienced the severe mental strains cause by my first job, I never would have made it as far as I currently am in my career with a company many dream to be part of.

Between all my gratitude lies an obvious truth– the awareness that every ‘maybe’ carries within it the weight of sacrifice. For every path chosen, there are countless others left unexplored, each presenting a completely different destiny. Maybe in a different universe, I am living a completely different life– maybe it’s better, maybe it’s worse. But in the universe this version of me lives in, I am nothing but grateful for the fact that I can live this life with such richness and depth and I’ve learned to embrace all my past choices wholeheartedly. I do continue to wonder… if I am so grateful for what I have, why does it still keep me up at night?

As I type down these reflections, I’m reminded of the words of Robert Frost:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

As we grow, we learn to cherish the journey as much as the destination, recognizing that every detour and setback we experience serves as a stepping stone towards our own self-discovery. And as we navigate the labyrinth of our existence, we’re reminded that the most profound revelations often emerge from the shadows of uncertainty.The sum of our ‘maybe’s of our past, present, and future that shapes the narrative of our very own existence. And perhaps, therein lies the beauty of maybe that some may consider to be a burden.

TLDR: no regrets. After all, no one has a time machine…right?